


A Very Buffy Christmas Carol

by letsgooutintherain



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Christmas, F/M, season 6
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-24
Updated: 2016-12-24
Packaged: 2018-09-11 21:01:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9023434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/letsgooutintherain/pseuds/letsgooutintherain
Summary: A Christmas Carol, Buffy style. In other words: The Powers think Buffy needs some cheering up after heaven and do it by way of hopeful futures.





	1. Stave 1: Mom's Ghost

**Author's Note:**

> Written for snowflower's challenge on Elysion Fields. They asked for a Christmas Carol showing the guys Buffy loves/loved.

Buffy Summers had been dead. There was no doubt whatever about that. She had been buried and mourned, and all the while her job had gone to a bot version of herself. Buffy had been dead as a door-nail.

Only in comparison to a door-nail she hadn't stayed dead and currently lived in good health, physically speaking. Mentally was another matter entirely. And even though Christmas was upon her, she couldn't find it in herself to do more than fake the spirit.

It was a warm, bleak, tiring Christmas eve and Buffy felt like hiding in her room. She had forced herself to hum along to the Christmas songs on the radio while preparing dinner with Dawn, had straightened the last decorations and put on a smile for everyone, until finally, finally the day was over.

She was glad when sleep took her.

Only it felt more like passing a door than falling asleep. A door into her own room. Dimmed light fell in from the street and onto her sleeping form. Seeing herself asleep was kind of surreal, but she couldn't really muster the energy to do more than frown. The clock next to her bed read 0.58.

For a dream she felt a little too awake, but what else would it be? Not that she was complaining. Everything was better than finding herself in a coffin again.

Slowly she wandered around her room, reaching to touch a small bell hanging from her wardrobe handle. Had there always been a bell? She couldn't remember owning one, but then again life tended to accumulate quite a lot knick-knacks.

She wandered a bit further as the clock changed to 0.59. God, this was a boring dream. Watching herself sleep wasn't interesting and what else could she do in here? It was a place that held her belonging, but not much affection. Not anymore.

With a sigh she glanced back at the clock, just as it changed to 2.00.

A bell chimed and chimed again. Surprised Buffy looked at the small silver thing, dangling from the wardrobe. This dream was getting weird, but it wasn't the most weird thing she had dreamed. She still remembered the one with Willow and a monkey at a table at the Bronze.

The next thing she could see was light from under her door. Curious, but not too alarmed Buffy watched as the door opened to reveal...

"Mom?" Buffy whispered. The same face: the very same. Joyce Summers in her favorite grey sweater, blond hair curling around her face and a golden glow to her form.

"Buffy," her mom said smiling and opened her arms. Buffy didn't hesitate to fall into the embrace, burying her face in her mom's shoulder.

"Mom. I missed you. God I missed you so much." She felt tears spilling over and held her mom more tightly.

"I missed you too, dear," Joyce said, "Let me look at you." Her expression grew sad as her gaze wandered over Buffy, "You look thin and much too old."

Buffy couldn't reply. All the things that had been going on. Dawn starting to steal. Herself dying. And now her inability to resume her life. Faking for everyone, sleeping with Spike just to feel anything at all. Her mom had to be so disappointed.

But with her mom here at least she felt something for the first time after she had stopped sleeping with Spike. Guilt this time, not anger. Why couldn't she feel something nice for once?

"I'm so sorry." She should have tried harder, but she didn't know where to take the strength. She wasn't there for Dawn, she lied to everyone, excerpt Spike who she had hurt and slept with at the same time.

"Oh Buffy. It's okay. That's why I'm here."

Buffy looked up blinking against the tears. "Really?" She felt so small.

"The Powers sent me to bring you a Christmas gift."

"A gift from the Powers?" Buffy asked warily. Her experiences with the PTB hadn't exactly been positive, even though they seemed to help Angel.

"A crossroad. A choice which way to walk. And a glimpse down every road."

"I get to see the future?" Buffy asked. That was intriguing. And maybe exactly what she needed to go on. Something to fight for, other than keeping up appearances for everyone else's sake.

"You will be visited by three ghosts. Expect the first when the bell tolls three. The second will come when the bell tolls four and the last when the bell tolls five."

Buffy looked at the clock. It wasn't three yet. "Wow, okay that sounds like that Christmas Carol thing. But why can't you be the one to show me?"

"I think I might be a little too prejudiced to grant you that free choice, dear. And I want to visit Dawn's dream while I'm here. She too needs a little cheering up for Christmas."

Buffy's head hung at those words, but her mother stroked through her hair. "You are doing the best you can, that is all a mother can ask for. Now wait for that first ghost. I'll be back to say goodbye."

With that she stepped back and through the door and Buffy watched as she opened Dawn's room instead.

Taking a deep breath she sat on the bed, next to her own sleeping form and prepared to wait.


	2. Stave 2: The First of the Three Ghosts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heads up: Buffy/Angel in this chapter.

It seemed to take forever, but finally the bell chimed three. It was an odd sound from such a small bell. Too deep. When the last sound dwindled back something moved from the corner of her eyes and Buffy whirled around.

There, at the window stood a girl roughly Dawn's age with brown hair and eyes. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail and her face was warm and curious as she looked around the room. From her clothes Buffy would have guessed her to come from some time between the 17th and 19th century, but history had never really been her strong suit.

"Hi," Buffy said cautiously.

The girl smiled at her, "Hello, Miss Summers."

"You can call me Buffy," Buffy said.

"Buffy," the girl repeated, "Then you can call me Kathy." Buffy nodded. Something about the girl seemed vaguely familiar, but she couldn't place it.

"You are the first ghost?" Buffy asked, just to be sure.

"That I am. I shall take you down the first road. Follow me." The girl stepped out of the room and into the hallway. Only that this wasn't the hallway in their house. The stairs were gone as were half of the rooms. There were only three doors left. Kathy smiled encouragingly over her shoulder and opened the left door.

Buffy followed without much hesitation. Only to find herself in front of a cinema she recognized from L.A.

"Okay, what are we doing here?" she asked the girl that stood next to her, looking out of place in her ancient clothing. Around them people hurried past, not noticing the odd pair in their midst.

"To show you what you could have with my brother," Kathy replied.

As if on cue the doors to the cinema opened and people wandered out. And she gasped when she realized who she was seeing. Angel! And next to him an older Buffy, leaning against him, her arm around his waist.

Both were smiling, making comments on the film and wandering down the next alley. Buffy followed in awe and Kathy wordlessly fell into step beside her.

She looked so happy with Angel. This was a dream come true, a dream she only now realized she had started to give up. The picture was shattered the next second, when a group of vamps leaped out of the dark. Buffy's first instinct was to jump into the fight, but Kathy's hand on her arm held her back.

"We are not really here. You can't harm them." There was a shine in her eyes as she watched the fight and Buffy followed her example. The pair in front of them didn't need her help. It looked so natural, the way they parted fluidly, fighting the way a team fights after years and years of knowing their partner's moves. Eleven clouds of dust and three minutes later they were back arm in arm, wandering home.

"He does so much good now," Kathy smiled.

"Helping the helpless," Buffy quoted and looked at the girl. Had Angel ever told her that he had a sister? She wasn't sure, but considering that vampires tended to kill their family first thing when they woke, didn't make for a good story. Angel hated telling her the bad stories.

"You loved him, didn't you?" she asked the girl.

"No matter what he did, I loved my brother," Kathy replied, "I gave him his new name. Angel. He looked just like an angel when he came after the funeral." Kathy looked sad, but then she nodded to the pair before them, entering a flat and they followed inside. Buffy didn't need the rest of the story. She could put two and two together.

Buffy looked around curiously, as the older Buffy went to make herself dinner and Angel put on some music. The place was girlfriend friendly, had a mirror and enough place for her stuff. Lots and lots of her stuff. How had she managed to get so many shoes? Not that she wasn't over the moon, or what counted for over the moon for her these days. That blue pair over there would go perfectly with her favorite summer dress.

Kathy tugged at her sleeve and Buffy looked at her in question.

"There is more to see. Follow me."

With a last look back, Buffy stepped behind Kathy through the door.

And found herself on a cemetery. Angel and her older self walked between the graves hand in hand, looking for vampires. Or maybe that had been the initial intend, but instead they ended up leaning at a crypt, gazing up at the moon, before kissing as if the rest of the world didn't exist.

Buffy remembered nights like this and for the first time she realized how much she had missed that. The romance, the stolen kisses when she should be doing her job, the Romeo and Juliet feeling of forbidden love.

Kathy tugged at her sleeve once again and Buffy followed her through a crypt door.

They came out in a park, starlight falling down at them, even through the light pollution of L.A. Angel and the older Buffy sat on a blanket, smiling, talking, kissing. There was a picnic basket next to them, the contents raided.

"We need to go," Angel said, pointing her gaze to the lightening sky in the east.

It looked a lot like the relationship they had had after Angel had come back from hell. Celibate but mostly happy together. The one that he had thought wasn't enough for her. How had she managed to change his mind? And while she was at it: who was guarding the hell mouth if she was here?

This time the scene changed without a door to pass and it left Buffy dizzy. She shook her head to get rid of the feeling before looking around.

They were in a living room, filled with familiar faces. Xander, Anya, Willow and Tara were there, Giles and Wesley had their heads in a book, discussing animatedly. At the other end of the room a green demon talked to a brown haired woman. The older Buffy and a brown guy were talking and gesticulating to an unconvinced looking Angel. Dawn was there, another book in hands, but more interested in looking over Cordelia's shoulder to see what she had found on the internet.

It looked like they were preparing for some kind of battle. Angel shook his head again decisively, but over the many discussions she couldn't make out his words. Then, to her surprise Angel stepped to the table and cleared his throat, drawing everyone's attention to him, before explaining the plan step by step. Breaking and entering in Wolfram & Hart, from what she could tell.

Buffy frowned as she watched her older self stand supportive at his side. It was a long time since she had been willing to allow someone else to lead. After the council and Giles leaving and her friends drawing her out of heaven she couldn't imagine ever giving up her control. She didn't trust anyone enough to make decisions for her ever again. Not even Angel. What happened to change that?

On the other hand she couldn't complain. Willow looked so much more stable here. Tara was back and as it looked together with her. Giles looked less haunted. Xander and Anya seemed content. And this was what she could have one day? It looked nearly perfect.

Then why was it that she felt something was amiss?

Her other self seemed content and so much in love.

It wasn't that she missed the sun, not even that she couldn't have kids or even sleep with him. She didn't miss the house with the white picket fence, the perfect idea of family.

It was a perfect romance, a life balanced between fighting and loving. But was she happy? Angel couldn't be completely happy and that knowledge pulled at her as well. It was the difference between being content and being genuinely happy.

"There is more to see," Kathy said, startling her from her thoughts, "You have seen some of the good, but for a full picture, I can't spare you the downside." Kathy smiled sadly and pulled her back through the door.

They landed in their flat once again and to her surprise that other Buffy had had the same thought she had, because they walked in the middle of an argument.

"I can't, Buffy. I haven't earned the right," Angel said.

"And what about me?" the older Buffy replied, "Haven't I earned it? This is affecting me too. And this, right here, is the chance of a lifetime to secure your soul!"

"It would be cheating. We will have all that, Buffy, when the Shanshu prophecy takes hold. When I earned redemption."

"Prophecies can be wrong or misleading. Angel, this is our chance to be happy."

"But we are happy. Aren't we?" Angel looked so pained at the prospect of her denying it.

"Of course we are happy. But..."

"Then we can wait."

The older Buffy looked angry but defeated. The onlooking Buffy seethed. "What the hell? Does he think I'm part of his reward?"

Kathy mutely pulled her back through the door and right onto a battlefield.

And this battle was a big one. Maybe the big one. Buffy looked older than before. Not by too much, but still. She and Angel were fighting side by side. Then demons came between them as the main player entered the field.

It was a real demon, Mayor size, but black with claws and glowing eyes.

The older Buffy was surrounded by smaller demons, but fighting them off with unwavering determinism.

Angel took on the big one and Buffy felt her nails biting into her hands as she clenched her fists. She watched as Angel battled the demon back and forth, having to take hit after hit while his sword left no more than scratches on the scaled body.

And then, finally, Angel jumped, ramming his sword down the demons throat. The demon went up in flames and Angel jumped back and out of reach. All around them the demons were fleeing.

There was a second to take a breath, then Angel exploded in blinding light. She could see her older self run to him but not getting far into the light. It seemed to go on forever. And then, as suddenly as it had come it was gone. Angel staggered and took a breath. And another breath. His hand wandering to his chest in wonder.

Then Buffy was there, laughing and crying and kissing him. "God, Angel, you made it!"

Kathy smiled at the pair before turning to Buffy. "Come on, this isn't over." She took her hand and pulled her through a random door and Buffy followed reluctantly, not willing to take her eyes of the scene.

They landed in the flat, just as Buffy and Angel came through the door. Angel was nearly glowing, radiating so much hope and for the first time something like ease with himself. Then he and Buffy were kissing and falling on the bed, pulling at their clothes.

Kathy looked pointedly the other direction. "I don't really want to see what comes now, if you don't mind."

Even though she would have loved to stay, Buffy could understand. And anyway this felt like intruding even though it was on herself.

"Okay."

To her surprise Kathy didn't take her through the door. It was like time jumped forward. The same room, the same scene, sometime later.

The older Buffy lay in Angel's arms, basking in the afterglow. Her hands wandered up and down over his skin. She was really happy and Angel was too. No more curse to keep them from being perfect together.

Kathy tugged at her arm once more. "There is more."

What else could there be? She got Angel. All of him. Kathy just tugged again and led her through the apartment door and into a living room.

Buffy felt her heart warm at the sight. A small boy was sitting on the floor playing with a puzzle, mumbling nonsense syllables to himself. A smiling Buffy lay on the couch, her head cushioned in Angel's lap, smiling down at the kid. Angel smiled as well, his chest rising and falling with every breath.

Buffy looked at the boy again. He had her blond hair, her mother's curls and Angel's eyes.

"Is that...?"

"Your son," Kathy said smiling.

Buffy couldn't help it, she sank to her knees before the boy and reached for him. Her hands went right through him, but even though he couldn't feel her, he looked up and right into her eyes, smiling like she had presented him with his favorite toy, before going back to his puzzle.

She had to be back in heaven. The idea that she might want a kid had never really crossed her mind. Why would it? The chance of her making it to 25 had never been high. But now the idea was there and she loved that little boy on sight.

The ringing of the phone made her look up.

The Buffy on the couch got to her feet and hastily took the call.

"Hello?"

Buffy couldn't hear the other side of the conversation, but Buffy's expression rapidly darkened. "I'll be right there," she said and hung up.

She hastened over to the boy, giving him a kiss on the top of his head, before striding to the door.

Angel followed and pulled her into a hug. "Be careful."

Then the older Buffy moved away, throwing on a jacket, shoving stakes and daggers into her purse, before hastening out with an apologetic smile over her shoulder, leaving a worried Angel and an equally worried boy behind, that promptly started to cry.

Buffy looked after her other self and followed, when Kathy went after her through the door.

And walked right into the room she had just left. The door closed behind the older Buffy. 

"Another night," Kathy said in explanation.

She looked around. The boy couldn't be much older. Angel had him in his lap reading a story. His voice didn't betray his concern, but Buffy knew him. He worried if she would make it home.

Buffy frowned. What was she supposed to learn from this scene? That she was back to fighting alone, now that Angel was human?

Before she could ask, the front door crashed and a grey fishy demon stormed in. 

She could see Angel grabbing a weapon, but he was human and even if he was a good fighter he was no match for this monster. Behind him their son was screaming. Angel was flung back against the door frame.

Then the other Buffy was there, fury in her eyes and for once no quips on her lips. The fight lasted all of three seconds before she broke the demons neck. 

Angel moved on the floor and Buffy had her son in her arms in an instant. Both she and Angel were crying.

And Buffy could understand it. That was a close call. Too close. But she won. Angel was alive. The boy frightened but unharmed. The 'what if' stayed.

"I can't show you more," Kathy said, "All you need to know, you have seen."

Buffy didn't move when she tugged at her sleeve again.

"It is time," Kathy added, "Other ghosts are coming."

Reluctantly Buffy let herself be pulled from the room, only to find herself back in her own room.

Kathy smiled at her with eyes that were too old to belong in the face of such a young girl.

"Thank you," Buffy said, for lack of anything else. The shock of the last scene was still too deep in her bones.

"I showed you the ups and downs," Kathy said. "You need to know them both to be able to decide. Even though I know there are others coming, I hope you choose this path. Liam looks happier than he ever did in life." Her smile was sad, "Good bye. Tell him, I love him." Buffy nodded and blinked and the girl was gone.

The clock said three minutes to four. It had been less than an hour. For her it had felt a lot longer.


	3. Stave 3: The Second of the Three Ghosts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heads up: Buffy/Riley in this chapter.

Buffy sat back on the bed and waited for the bell, trying to sort through the things she had just seen. If that was her future with Angel she would gladly take it. It was as close to perfect as real life would probably get. She had looked happy, what else could she wish for?

But she would have to wait to see what the other futures would bring. If the first was a future with Angel then what were the second and third ghost for?

As if on cue the bell chimed four times. The air seethed in the dim light and revealed a man in military uniform. He had blond hair with early strands of white, but he didn't look that old.

"Good morning, Miss Summers," the man greeted, "I'm lieutenant Finn, but you can call me Mr. Finn if you prefer. We have a tight schedule. Make yourself ready."

Buffy nodded and followed him out of the room and back to the strange hallway, thinking all the while. That had to be a relative of Riley. His father most likely, who had died when he was fifteen. Mr. Finn opened the door in the middle and stepped through. Buffy hesitated for a second, but curiosity got the better of her and she followed.

She was standing in a church next to the altar. Music playing as Giles walked a white bride down the aisle. Riley stood at the front in what looked like a military dress uniform.

It didn't take much to guess that she was the bride. Curious she watched as the ceremony went on and an older version of herself was revealed under the veil. Riley looked handsome and that soft smile was back on his face, the one that she had missed so much at the end of their relationship.

Then they were kissing and it looked like that perfect picture she'd always had in her mind when she was younger. That picture how a perfect wedding would look like.

Without warning the scene changed, leaving her dizzy. She and Mr. Finn were standing at the edge of the wedding party. Her older self and Riley were making the rounds and she could see her friends here. Angel's team was notably missing, excerpt for Cordelia.

The most obvious change to the scenes with Angel was the sun. They were out in the sun. And even though she hadn't really missed it, she reveled in it now. Willow and Tara were holding hands and Buffy was glad that in this future they had managed to get past their difficulties too. And if Anya's ring was anything to go by she and Xander were happily married. Had they been married in Angel's future too? Now she wished she had looked more closely at them.

Buffy let her gaze wander back to her older self. She was glowing in a way she couldn't remember doing for a very long time now. This too was a dream she had given up.

"You make a beautiful bride Miss Summers." Mr. Finn smiled at her and his posture lost some of his rigidness, "Let's see what else we've got." He let the scene shift. Buffy stumbled, but caught herself and looked around. They were in front of a house. Buffy nearly laughed when she saw it. Okay, the picket fence wasn't white, but the light blue was close enough and the only thing missing were two point whatever kids.

As if to prove her point the scene moved inside into a bedroom. Buffy shook her head to shake the strange feeling of passing the walls. Kathy had had a much more pleasant way of travelling.

Buffy concentrated on the room they had landed in. Toys littered the floor and there were standing two beds, each with a sleeping child. A boy of maybe five years was in the first. He had her hair but his face was all Riley. In the other bed was a girl, not looking that much younger. She had Buffy's nose and Riley's chin and hair. Buffy couldn't help but smile at them. They looked like little angels.

The scene moved again, this time into the next bedroom where an older version of her and Riley were sleeping, snuggled up to each other. Mr. Finn stood next to them, looking the most friendly Buffy had seen him so far.

Then the peace was shattered by beeping.

Riley cursed, but was out of the bed in seconds, checking a pager and then hastening to the phone. The older Buffy sat up groaning.

A minute later Riley was in again.

"I'm sorry, I need to go. There is a portal on a farm two miles from Cleveland. Most of the unit is still on that mission in Columbus. They need me. Stay with the kids, I'll see you later."

Buffy grimaced but nodded. Riley bent down to kiss her.

"I'm sorry. I would take you with me, but you know my superiors." Buffy nodded again and then Riley was gone.

A minute later the phone rang and the older Buffy fought herself out of bed.

"Yes? - Willow, slow down, what's going on? - Riley is already on it. - Another one? - Shit! Can you send Xander or Dawn over here, to look after... - Yes. I'll be right there."

Buffy hung up and dressed, then downed a mug of cold coffee. By the time she had weapons, a tired Xander stood in the door, passing her his car keys.

Then she was gone. Okay as happy lives went, this scene wasn't too high on her list of ideals.

"Brace yourself," Mr. Finn said next to her and the scene shifted. Knowing it was coming helped a little and she breathed easier, before looking around.

This time the older her and Riley were fighting side by side, but it was nothing like the effortless team that she and Angel had been. Riley was good, but he was human and no longer on drugs.

He was a liability. She could see herself always watching him from the corner of her eye, making sure he was alright. She didn't fight at her best, not like she did with Angel. And she wasn't sure if it was better or worse than the human Angel staying at home.

The scene changed again, but by now, Buffy had the hang of it.

It was a picnic at the beach. Their children were playing in the background, chasing the waves, laughing and screeching when they got wet.

The older Buffy lay on her belly, sunglasses on her nose and feet in the air while Riley gave her a backrub. The expression on the face of her other self was pure bliss.

Another shift. A hospital corridor, the older Buffy sitting in a chair, tear tracks on her face. Buffy closed her eyes. It felt all too familiar. Next to her the kids silently looked through a picture book, but they seemed afraid.

Willow came up the corridor, giving the other Buffy an encouraging smile.

"Could you..." the older Buffy muttered and nodded in the direction of the kids.

"Sure." Willow crouched down in front of them. "What do you two think? Shall we go on a quest to find something edible for you and your mom?"

They looked to Buffy and jumped up at her nod. The second they were gone the older Buffy's face fell, but she didn't cry.

A doctor came out of the double doors.

"Mrs. Finn?"

"Here," Buffy called, jumping to her feet.

"We could stabilize his condition. If nothing else comes up Mr. Finn will make a full recovery."

The older Buffy broke into tears.

The scene changed to their home again, with Riley there, arm strapped to his chest, laughing as the children ran around him. Her older self leaned at the door looking on with a smile.

The scene changed before Buffy could fully take it in.

She was in an alley in the middle of a military operation. Considering how not good that had worked in the past Buffy had a bad feeling about this. She was proven right when the aim of the operation became clear.

The soldiers swarmed out around a park where demons were fighting against demons. The other Buffy hesitated the second she saw what was going on, at the same time as Buffy herself recognized one of the fighting demons as a Squarosh. Harmless for humans as long as they weren't threatened. The other species was the one Giles had turned into after that visit from Ethan. What was their name again?

It was too late to stop anyone, the order cracked through the radio and shots rang in the air. The demons fell, one by one regardless of what species they were.

The older Buffy looked as ill as Buffy felt and when the fight was over she turned and walked away, not stopping, even when Riley called after her. And he couldn't follow, he had a job to do.

The scene shifted to their home. The kitchen this time around, with Buffy on one side of the table and Riley on the other.

"Squarosh don't harm humans. There was no need to kill them all!"

"What did you expect me to do? Ask them what their intentions are and risk my men in the process?"

"Maybe not kill anything on sight, waiting a few seconds to confirm the situation. Maybe just leave time for me to get a word in!"

"Buffy, the military isn't a democracy. I'm their leader, I can't check every single one of my decisions with you before giving orders. That would cost me the respect of my men."

"So you'd rather kill an innocent demon than taking advice?"

"I didn't say that, Buffy. But out there is a battlefield and sometimes that means difficult decisions in the heat of the moment. Anyway, you are the slayer, it is your job to kill demons, not defend them!"

"I'm the slayer, yes, and I decided to be a good guy rather than a mindless killing machine. Don't tell me how to do my job, believe me I do it a lot longer than you do yours."

"So you are telling me how to do mine?" Riley asked.

"Mommy?" The boy stood in the door, rubbing his eyes, his sisters hand protectively held in his.

"I'm sorry, did we wake you?" the older Buffy asked, "Come here you two, I'll bring you back to bed."

The scene changed abruptly.

She and Riley sat on the couch, snuggled up to each other.

"I'm sorry. I overreacted," Riley said.

"Yeah," Buffy replied. "We'll work it out."

Riley nodded and then kissed her. Buffy responded in kind and then they were making out on the couch like teenagers. Buffy couldn't help but giggle at the sight. They looked like they were sixteen again.

But that wasn't a bad thing. She could see that life clearly. It had upsides and downsides like every other one and they might not be perfect, but they were very much in love and willing to work around whatever problem might arise. Most of the time she would be happy in that future. And despite them working together to slay demons, it had that feeling of normal to it, that would balance out her slayer side.

The scene on the sofa started to get heated.

"Let's leave them to it," Mr. Finn said.

Time shifted forward and now the room was illuminated by candles. Soft music wove around the pair in the middle that drifted in slow circles through the room. It reminded Buffy of that last perfect evening with him before everything went to hell between them.

Something was different though. This was a Riley that was sure of her love. No more insecurity. It showed in the way he held her, in the way she let him hold her.

It was a dream of what could have been if he hadn't doubted her and she had let him in. And now they told her it was still possible.

"It is time, Miss Summers."

The scene changed to her own bedroom and Buffy sat down. "You got the picture. I'll take my leave Miss Summers. When you see Riley, be good to him. Tell him he makes me proud."

Before she could say anything else the man was gone. It was ten minutes before fife.


	4. Stave 4: The Last of the Ghosts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heads up: Buffy/Spike in this chapter.

So far her choices didn't sound too bad. And the recurring theme seemed to be her choice of partner. But what did that mean for the third door? Riley and Angel had been the big love interests in her life.

She didn't think Parker would be next. Who else had there been? There was her first boyfriend Pike, but they had been out of touch for so long now. Maybe Scott? But that had stopped before it even began.

Or the third door would show her what happened if she didn't choose a partner at all. She stared at the clock willing it to go faster, before going back to her musing.

Getting together with Angel again was a dream come true. Riley. Well, Riley hadn't really been on her mind any more. He was gone, never to return again. Both futures looked like something she would want and getting Riley back, well if she really put her mind to it, she might be able to get a message to him. But would she want to?

She closed her eyes and leaned back on the covers. Seconds ticked by and she was no closer to knowing which way she should choose.

When the bell chimed she startled. Five chimes. And a woman stood in her room. Her clothes were older, but not as old as Kathy's had been. She smiled warmly, her hair falling in gracious waves around her face.

"It is a pleasure to meet you, Buffy Summers," she said, "My name is Anne Pratt."

Buffy didn't recognize the name, but she couldn't help a smile. This woman reminded her of her mom.

"It's nice to meet you, Mrs. Pratt," Buffy replied.

She looked at her again. Like Kathy she looked vaguely familiar, but again she couldn't place it. Then there was the old style of clothing. Her eyes widened. Old style meant vampire and that meant...

"Spike?!" she asked. What the hell? Did the Powers think, just because they'd had sex she might want a future with him?

"Yes. I came to show you a future with my William." Her smile as she said his name was so warm Buffy couldn't voice any of her doubt. But that was Spike they were talking about!

"Would you like to see?" Anne asked.

Buffy nodded. Even though this wasn't something she wanted, she wouldn't say no. If not a possible future she might at least gain some information about the vampire.

"Very well." Anne smiled, stepped into the corridor and opened the third door. Buffy followed, her mind still reeling.

She found herself in an unfamiliar street. This time's version of herself was running past her at full speed with Spike right next to her.

A second later she realized why. There was a demon coming down the street. A giant scorpion with tentacles. She could hear Spike laughing, right before he jumped then propelled himself from a wall and right on the back of the beast while the other her ducked under a tentacle and sliced into the belly with a bright grin on her face.

Up on top Spike pulled another tentacle in front of himself so the scorpion would hit itself with his stinger. All the while Spike swung his sword at another tentacle.

It didn't take long, another slice and Buffy rolled out from under the scorpion while it crashed down, just as Spike rammed his own sword between two plates on its neck.

They stood there both breathing hard and grinning. Then they kissed as if there was no tomorrow, ignoring blood and gore on their hands and clothes.

Buffy stared at them in shock, because the only other person she had ever fought with like that, side by side like a perfect team, was Angel. The only difference to fighting with Angel was that this had looked like fun. Not duty, not business, just fun.

"Close your eyes, that will make the change easier," Anne said next to her.

Buffy did without question and when she opened them again she stood in a hotel room with her and Spike arguing over dusting Drusilla. Not only arguing. Screaming at each other at the top of their lungs. She wasn't surprised when the other Buffy hit him. He blocked barely and hit her back just as hard. And then they were fighting full on. This wasn't just sparring, this was angry.

It took her a second to realize that both of them held back. Otherwise the room wouldn't be standing. And even though she was relieved that the future her wouldn't keep the relationship as destructive as it was now, the fact that her fights still got physical didn't exactly speak for them.

Next to her, Anne watched as the fight went on, a sad look on her face. Insults flew back and forth and then, finally Buffy gained the upper hand, slamming him to the ground, pinning him.

Only their panting filled the air, both of them glaring and Spike still struggling. But neither one had drawn blood and it didn't look as if they had problems moving. They must have pulled their punches. A lot.

Buffy knew what came next, could see the exact moment when the anger gave way to something else.

Then the older Buffy was kissing him hard. Only it wasn't what she had expected at all. This had nothing to do with the violent coupling she knew with him. It was hard, but it didn't aim to hurt. First and foremost this was sex not a continuation of the fight.

Buffy flushed bright red. Sex with Angel and Riley was never like this. It was loving, even passionate, but never wild. Not on her side. They were human after all. Breakable.

Not that there was anything missing when she was with either of them.

"Close you eyes, dear," Anne said. Buffy did.

When she blinked again she stood on the Eiffel Tower. Paris stretched around her and at the railing, kissing and laughing, stood her older self contently in Spike's arms. It was the middle of the night, so they must have snuck in. She could see the love in her own eyes and for a moment she wanted to scream. Didn't she know that this was stupid, that Spike couldn't love her?

But that wasn't true, was it? Her future self wouldn't be that stupid. And his gaze did mirror hers exactly. She knew that look, even if it was laced with pain in her own time. Here he looked happy. Carefree.

Most importantly she did too. When was the last time she had looked like that, felt like that?

The answer was before Angelus, maybe even before the Master, when she still believed she could have a normal life.

She frowned. Where did obsession end and love start? Did he love her already in her own time? She didn't like the question. It stirred up others that she refused to answer. Vampires couldn't love.

But her future self knew that just as she did. So what had changed? Spike? Or her own opinion?

"Let's see another one," Anne said, the smile evident in her voice.

Buffy blinked, then blinked again, just to be sure. This time they were in Rome, sitting in a cafe in the shadows, as far from the morning sun as possible, but still outside. It was one of the things Angel had never done. Taking on the world at daylight. But Spike had done it before. That day when she had told him she was in heaven for example. How was it that he did that, when no other vampire dared to?

Then she saw who was sitting with them. Dawn! Buffy smiled at that and looked closer. They talked about university, about Dawn's history and psychology classes. To her surprise Spike kept up with the topics effortlessly.

She wasn't surprised by the history parts, but he seemed to know just as much about psychology, not because he had learned it, but because he knew people. He had used that talent repeatedly on her, now that she thought about it, always playing her insecurities and fears. Not only hers. She remembered how he had driven a wedge between her and her friends back when Adam was the big bad.

"Come, I'll show you another one," Anne said. Buffy closed her eyes, surprised by her own eagerness.

And opened them to a sparring match. Both her and Spike laughed as they traded punch after punch. How could they be laughing so much? The fight was balanced, even as the speed increased. Then Buffy's foot caught on some gravel and Spike had her arm twisted behind her back.

They were panting again and their pupils had darkened to black pools. The sexual tension was so thick Buffy could nearly taste it. Then they were kissing, slowly making their way into a flat. Very slowly. They were more occupied with each other than with getting to a bed, but when they were there it wasn't the same hard sex she had seen before. It was intense and slow, but just as passionate as the last time and if she hadn't known it before, she knew it now. They were making love.

"Let them have their privacy," Anne said and Buffy nodded and closed her eyes again, not daring to think too closely about the fact that she seemed happy in this future. How crazy was that?

She opened her eyes to another street that could have been in any big city on the globe, but the samurai like guys, circling her older self and Spike, shouting in a flowing kind of language, made her guess at somewhere in Asia.

"What are they saying?" the older Buffy hissed, standing back to back with Spike, arms raised and ready to fight.

"That's the Japanese word for vampire, luv. I guess they take offense to my presence."

"Well tell them you are one of the good guys."

"How am I supposed to do that? I know barely a hand full of words!"

Before either of them could continue the guy's charged.

Buffy held her breath. They were human. Spike was useless against them and Buffy wouldn't be able to take on...

She didn't come any further as Spike dove into the fight, hitting, ducking a sword and then grabbing the arm and wrangling the weapon from the man's hands while using him as a shield in the process. Not once did he wince. He didn't look as if he was in pain at all. More like he enjoyed the fight. A lot.

"He has no chip?" she asked. Why would she ever trust him without a chip? Had the older her known that?

"He doesn't need it," Anne said, "Look."

She followed her gaze and saw what she meant. Spike was fighting with relish, but so far he hadn't killed anyone. Whacking them over the head with the hilt of the sword he had taken? Yes. Striking at them with the sharp end? No.

"Why...?"

"For you," Anne replied with a smile, "Always for you."

Buffy just stared as they fought, switching enemies mid fight, dancing around each other while one by one the samurai dropped.

"Come, you'll like the next one," Anne said. Buffy reluctantly tore her eyes away and blinked obediently.

She was in L.A. in Angel's headquarter most likely, because he was the one standing and gesticulating in the middle. Around him she recognized his team. She and Spike stood at the edge of it, neither completely in, nor out of their circle and every few minutes Spike would lean closer to her and whisper something in her ear.

Buffy couldn't hear what he was saying, but from the look of it, it had to be funny, because her other self tried very hard to keep a straight face.

"We are everywhere," Buffy said, "Paris, Rome, Asia now L.A."

"The first street was in London," Anne said, "You two hunt demons all over the world."

Buffy smiled. She had dreamed of seeing the world, ever since she had learned that she would have to stay at the hell mouth for the rest of her life.

Around them the scene got more serious, both Spike and Buffy stopped with the jokes and moved as one to the table to see where their mission would take place.

Buffy watched in awe as they threw battle strategies back and forth, getting each others thoughts before the other had finished half a sentence and managing to stun the rest of the team into silence.

"Come, I've got more," Anne said. Buffy was surprised how much she wanted to see it. This was and wasn't the Spike she knew.

She found herself in a car in the middle of another argument and about her lack of driving skills of all things. Both her other self and Spike sat in the backseat, Giles was driving.

"I can do that. You trained with me for hours and I haven't crashed into anything as of late," Buffy said.

"Doesn't mean you are ready for crowded streets, not even talkin' about the small streets we are goin' to take where there is only room for one car at a time. And don't tell me you are ready to drive on the left."

"I can totally do that! I mean come on, it can't be that complicated. Just doing everything the other way around."

"Bloody hell, luv. I'm never goin' to let you touch a car again if you think that is all there is to it."

"Would you two shut up!" Giles broke in, "I'm driving. You two don't. And Buffy, may I remind you, that you don't have a drivers license."

The older Buffy pouted and Spike pulled her close.

"We can go train drivin' left some time, okay luv?" he whispered.

Buffy caught Giles smiling at the two on the backseat, as the older Buffy leaned into Spike. It seamed Giles was okay with their relationship. How had that come to pass?

"I have one last scene for you," Anne said. Buffy blinked.

The new scene was a club, music playing, bodies moving. She spotted Anya and Xander getting drinks, Willow and Tara sat at a table. And there, on the dance floor her older self and Spike, dancing as if they were the only people there. The other dancers had left room around them not daring to come close. Buffy couldn't blame them, they looked one step from having sex. And they were good. Angel had only ever been good with the slow dancing. Riley hadn't been able to dance at all. But by the look of it Spike had no problem to keep up. He complemented her.

And none of the Scoobies seemed to mind. Buffy was flabbergasted.

When she blinked she stood in her room again and Anne smiled kindly.

"I'm leaving now, but it was nice to meet you. If you and my son ever talk about me, then please tell him I loved him then and I love him now. Tell him it wasn't me. Tell him, I forgive him."

"I will," Buffy said. And then she couldn't help it, she pulled the women into a hug. She reminded her so much of her mom.

Anne hugged her back and whispered "Goodbye." The next second she was gone and Buffy stood alone in her room.


	5. Stave 5: The End Of It

"I came to say goodbye."

Buffy looked up as her mother entered the room, feeling tears once again threatening to flow. "Please don't go, mom."

"I can't stay, dear. I wish I could. But you know I love you. And you remember heaven. That's where I'll go. I'm in good hands."

"I just miss you so much," Buffy whispered.

Then her mom's arms were around her again. "I miss you too, dear." Buffy let her hold her. At least like this she could say goodbye. "Buffy, one last thing. You have a little time to make that decision. You will know when you reach the crossroad."

Buffy nodded, holding her mom tighter. "Look after Dawn for me," her mom said and Buffy nodded again, unable to find her voice.

The bell chimed six times. And with the last toll, Buffy shot upright in her bed. Her room was empty, the sun had yet to rise and the clock said it was indeed six o'clock.

Unable to lie still any longer she moved out of bed and fled the silent house, leaving only a short message behind. She would be back on time, it was still early after all. Christmas or no Christmas, Dawn wouldn't be up before eight at the earliest.

The streets greeted her with welcome silence and she wandered aimlessly, only to find her feet taking her to her usual patrol grounds. She welcomed the calm of the cemeteries. The truly dead were always good company when she wanted to think and the early morning air cleared her head.

This was so weird. She had been happy, both in the future with Angel and with Riley, but they had had their problems.

With Angel she couldn't be completely happy because his redemption was more important while he was a vampire. After he got human she was fighting her fight alone and had to deal with demons threatening her more or less defenseless family.

Not that the last thing was anything new. Her mom and Dawn had been threatened before, but somehow the scene had been more terrifying. Maybe because of her screaming son, or because she was so used to Angel being able to handle himself.

Then there was the leadership thing. Somehow it bugged her, that she would be willing to give that up to Angel after her hard won independence.

Riley was another matter. His military connections didn't go well with her destiny and independence. That clash had always been there and even though they worked around it, it put a strain on their relationship. And then there was the fighting. He was no longer on drugs. He couldn't keep up with her and she had to look out for him. It wasn't as if she had minded in that future, but knowing what it could be like with Angel made it obvious what was missing.

And then there was Spike. She still couldn't believe what she had seen. Yes she had slept with Spike, but that didn't make him one of the good guys. He still saw himself as the big bad. Morals didn't mean anything to him. And there he had been, fighting the good fight with her anyway.

It wasn't what he did, that threw her for a loop. He had done it before with the right motivation. The truth and the fight against Glory being the most obvious ones. But what she had seen was different. It wasn't him so much as it was her. She had trusted him to have her back, trusted him not to betray her. And somehow that trust was justified.

Was it because he was rising to her expectations or had her expectations risen after he had proven himself worthy of it?

Without meaning to, her feet had carried her to his crypt and she stopped to look at it. She could leave it at that, not sleep with him again and never look back. She could choose Riley or Angel.

But there was something about that future with Spike that called out to her. It had to do with them being equal partners in fight and at home, with neither of them leading the other. It had to do with the laughter and fun. This was the only future where she had laughed, carefree and happy.

And maybe she couldn't have children with him, but they could always adopt if she really wanted to.

There was something else in that future that was more difficult to pinpoint. Seeing the pair of them, there had been some kind of intensity and passion. Like every moment was lived to its fullest.

She wasn't sure if she was ready to throw away so much happiness, just because he was a pain in her ass now.

With Spike she had problems too. But had she really? Fighting was in her nature as well as in his. As long as they didn't really try to hurt each other, they should be fine, shouldn't they?

Why did she contemplate it at all? Spike didn't have a soul! How could he be that person without a soul? How could he love her? But somewhere between now and that future she would start to believe that he did and if she could believe it then, why not now? Or did he get a soul? She didn't know, hadn't even thought to ask at the time.

Could she choose him? She didn't love him. Not yet. But her mom had said she had time. And it wouldn't hurt to see what else she and Spike could be, if she allowed it.

Silently she opened the door to his crypt and leaned into the doorway. Spike sat in front of the telly a bottle of amber liquid in one hand, his bare feet propped up and his shirt open.

"Slayer?" he asked, when a breeze through the open door finally alerted him to her presence, "What do you want?" He looked hesitant.

What did she want? She hadn't thought about it, just had come in with the idea to get to know him with this new perspective in mind. The idea that she could genuinely like him still boggled her mind, but hey, who was she to argue with the Powers?

"Would you believe me if I said the Powers pulled a Christmas Carol on me?" she asked instead of a direct answer.

"Complete with spirits of Christmas past present and future?" Spike asked only half serious, "And now you are reformed to the Christmas spirit?"

"More like three possible futures. A glimpse down each road."

He seemed intrigued despite himself, but he was still wary. "And you are telling me this, because you think you should buy me a bigger Christmas goose."

"No." Why had she told him?

"So what was in those futures of yours?"

"Something to live for." She didn't want to tell him about them. It was too personal. And this was still Spike and no matter how much she might trust him in the future, right now she didn't.

"That's good, pet." He gave her a small but genuine smile.

Maybe it was that smile that prompted her to ask: "Actually I wanted to know if you would come over for Christmas?"

He looked at her, as if waiting for the other shoe to drop, but when she didn't say anything more, a smile spread on his face. "You sure?"

"Why else would I ask?" she replied, but there was an answering smile on her lips.

This would take a long time. And she didn't even want to think about how the Scoobies would take it, but if that future was anything to go by, then this was worth trying out. It was worth fighting for. Maybe it was worth more than heaven.

She took a deep breath and slowly let it go again. And for the first time since her resurrection she felt something akin to hope.

"Merry Christmas, Spike."

**Author's Note:**

> Merry Christmas everyone.  
> All mistakes are my own.


End file.
